How the 5 Love Languages can help your Relationship

(photo: Copyright The McCartney's)

It’s the four-month count down to the wedding! I am so excited and can’t wait to walk down the aisle. Mike and I aren’t doing a ‘traditional wedding’. One of my best friends Sam Campbell is marrying us, not a person of the clergy. We don’t get to take that premarital class like in the movie Licensed to Wed. I feel like a class like this is very important and really prepares you for what comes after those nuptials! So, I did my research, I looked up quizzes and topics we should discuss before the big day!

One thing I found very helpful was the 5 Love Languages

If you thought, love was expressed in one universal language, like I did, you are mistaken! There are multiple ways to show and receive love, similar to the post I wrote about You Treat Others How to Treat You, The way you want someone to show you love isn’t necessarily the way your partner wants to be shown love. This makes it difficult because, like you treat people the way you wanted to be treated, you tend to show love the way you want to be shown love.

According to the 5 Love Languages there are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch, and every person feels uniquely loved in one of these ways. After I heard these were the 5 Love Languages I wasn’t sure which one I would get, but I wasn’t at all surprised when I received Words of Affirmation as my love language. This means an “I love you” or “I appreciate what you did,” goes a long way! Now this all makes sense, because I would just tell Mike “Tell me you love me!” or I would talk in his voice (trying to be cute,but I don’t think he found it cute), “Great work Kase, thanks for helping me on this.” This was my way of trying to communicate that I needed to hear these things, but it was not very effective. I think this just proved to him that I knew these things already, so I didn't need to hear them. Au contraire mon cheri, even if I know them, or think I know them it's always good to hear.

I thought Mike would get Acts of Service as his love language. When we first started dating we would spend time working in the wood shop, or sometimes on the weekends he’ll ask for my help with yard work or chores, so clearly I thought these would be considered Acts of Service, which they are, but that was not Mike's intention. Mike's intention was for us to spend time together.  Mike’s love language is not Acts of service it's Quality Time. This means to him spending time together is more important than me telling him I appreciate him.

Now that we both know our love languages and it’s been ranked what is most important to us (and least important to us) we can really make each other feel loved the way we want to feel loved. Because our love languages are different, it doesn’t come naturally to us, and is something we will both have to work on.

These languages can translate to all areas of your life, friendships, family-relationships, any relationship really!

What’s your love language? Take the quiz here! Let me know in the comments!

ADVICEKasey Taube